Tears

With every tear that rolls down my cheek I remind myself of who I am

I remind myself of who I want to be

Even though I know I have every right to feel the way I feel and let the tears run miles

I have a hard time allowing myself to do so

My heart literally aches, I can feel it pumping harder than ever before

I sit here and my entire body shakes

My mind races, going over what happened a million times

Going over your reasons, your old lies, and your new pleas...

I can't get my mind to understand how you could do it

Wasn't I there, in the back of your head? in that spot in ur heart I thought i held?

Wasn't I there...

how could you? really ... how?

I treated you like a king... I did everything for you...Where did I lose you?

I randomly feel my heart start beating slower

Then it rapidly picks up and SLAMS against my chest

how could you do it?

how could she possibly be worth it?

Everything we had... were gonna have

I woulda made the best Mrs. but you didn't give me the chance.

I try to be strong

Not to cry

but the tears run down so fast I can't even catch them...

how did you look me in the eyes and swear you loved me?

How did you constantly try to blame me for things when you KNEW i was right?

Why would you hurt me like that?

What did I do?

I was ur angel right?

Then why? how?

I guess this is part of life

This is how people are

But do you really understand? do you understand what you've done?

You took a good girl, and broke her... for what? a slut?

Why did you pretend to be such a nice guy?!?!

Why was it necesary to fool me for so long?

How did you think I deserved that?

No matter how empty I feel inside I will not allow you to change who I am

No matter how broken my heart is, I will not allow it to remain that way

I will put myself back together

with the things i've learned from your heartless soul

And I will be stronger... Harder to break

In 3 days I have already proven to myself what a great woman I have become

and I suppose that will keep me going

I thought when this day came, I would do something spiteful and immature

But I have no desire to do it now

Hurting you will not make me feel better

It will only put me on your level

And we both know I don't belong down there

I stood up for you so many times

Argued with people when they told me the kind of boy you were

because I had hope, I thought I'd be that girl that changed you, that you couldn't help but fall for... I guess somethings you can't change.

I'll pray for you

Because you need help

To ruin something so special

Don't you see, God was trying to help you, by giving you me?

I know God knew I would pull myself through this if it ended badly

That's why he sent me to you...

I know he knew it would make me stronger

and eventually protect my future...

but I do worry, what did it do for you?

I can't help but feel sorry for you

You have to live with knowing you ruined us...

You ruined your chance with me...

and there is NOTHING you can do about it....

This WILL make me stronger

It frees me from the burden of loving you unconditionally

I can do ME now

but even though now my future may seem brighter

the present is distorted by the raindrops from my eyes.

Disappointment

I feel like lately I continue to be disappointed in people.

Not just those close to me but also from an observing stand point.

I thought there were a good number of people who believed in me and truly knew what my thought process was. I was wrong. I don't blame these people for thinking what they think they have their reasons but dang... I thought you knew me better.

Why do people pretend to be your friend?

... you know what I take that back, you don't pretend to be my friend, I guess I was the one pretending you were.

How is it SO hard to find good friends?

Don't get me wrong I have a few and I'm not complaining one bit.

But THIS is why I come off the way I do, meaner than I am, tougher...

because this crap, hurts me.

I constantly pride myself on being honest.

It takes too much of me to lie

too much of who I'm NOT

but I constantly get accused of lying....

I don't get it... I really don't.

maybe it's my fault

maybe I shouldn't act so tough

maybe that was it

OMGGG.....

I had to take a break from writing this just to be disappointed AGAIN?!?!

come on

I started to type "I give up"

but I won't

they gave up on me.

Judge Me

So I did it. Created a blog. Yes, I have a every other networking profile you could possibly dream of, but those are more for fun, whereas this is more for me.

Let me explain why I named my blog "Judge Me."

Today, whether we like it or not, we will be judged.

Its not the way it should be.

But its the way it is.

I am not afraid of being judged anymore.

I went through the hell of high school.

And guess what I'm ok.

People can judge.

The only person they are taking something away from is themselves.

The are the ones losing out on meeting great people based on snap judgements.

We cannot control how others act.

Only how we chose to react.

And lately i have learned reacting is not even worth it.

I spent much of my time reacting to others stupidity.

And in return I looked just as stupid in the end.

So I've chosen to let people be themselves

and I will be me

Do not mistake this for weakness.

For this is strength.

When necessary I WILL react

and when I do I will be the stronger.

so go ahead

JUDGE ME!!!!